The radio is hoarse

Has anyone figured out why Ellie Goulding is played on the radio yet? Or on TV? Or is famous at all?

I thought having one Macy Gray was bad enough. What’s with this new trend favoring raspy-voiced singers? It’s annoying, and unlistenable. I was hoping we’d be rid of Ellie after that horrendous “Lights” song played itself out. She’s apparently released new singles. Isn’t there enough suffering in the world already?

(The raspy thing is not, however, as annoying as the trend of singers doing raps that emulate the execrable Nicki Minaj, which is in turn nowhere near as annoying as Nicki herself. Karmin’s “Hello” is a pretty terrible example of this phenomenon.)

There’s a Christmas commercial for a European chocolate nut thing—I’m deliberately not saying the name, not out of respect but for the exact opposite reason—that has another raspy song. It drives my wife crazy, and I can understand why. The song is by Jasmine Ash, who I’ve never heard of. The name is apt; her voice certainly sounds ashen.

Speaking of bad music in commercials: Why, Google, why? Their new tablet has this horrible English rock thing that sounds like it’s trying way too hard to be one of the likeable-in-spite-of-itself hipster ditties that Apple so dearly loves.

And don’t get me started on K-mart’s commercials with “The lights that light the lights that light” repeated ad nauseum, also in a British accent. Who green-lit that song choice? I want revenge.


About Lummox JR

Aspiring to be a beloved supervillain
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2 Responses to The radio is hoarse

  1. Joey Sturgis says:

    Ellie Goulding + Rasp? Are you insane? Steven Tyler has rasp, Ellie Goulding does not.

    The reason why any music is successful is because its good. You can’t sell platinum records if you’re not good. If you don’t like it, you don’t like it. But there’s no way you can say its “unlistenable” or that a top selling song is “horrendous”. Sure, its not about the money, but people don’t buy stuff they hate. Its the same reason people should stop pretending opinion is fact.

    • Lummox JR says:

      Oh, she most certainly does have a rasp. This is undeniable. It’s perfectly valid (supposedly) for someone to like her voice in spite of or because of that, but it’s definitely there. It’s not really as pronounced as Macy Gray’s, obviously, but that breathy aspect she has is not normal melodic singing.

      And honestly, plenty of stuff is successful that’s not “good” in any objective sense. Heck, I like that Carly Rae Jepsen “call me maybe” song, and I freely admit it fails several objective tests of goodness. But if you’re leaning on the opinion vs. fact distinction, then I can most certainly say a song is unlistenable or horrendous—because that’s my opinion. Frankly though, I’ve never had a problem blurring the lines between opinion and fact. I give music a little more leeway on this because I recognize most people don’t share my taste in music, but there are some issues (like toilet paper roll orientation, for one), where there’s a definite right and wrong and I’ll never budge.

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