Avicii delenda est

Avicii has managed to accomplish a pretty amazing feat: He leaped instantly from knowing nothing about him to a full 10 NM (that is, the benchmark of the Nicki Minaj rage scale) in just a few seconds. Even the lead singer from Fun. and, ironically, Nicki Minaj herself only managed to do that over long-term exposure. No one else hits a 10 on the scale, musically, even though there are some who never drop below the high 9s. I have a lot of hate to go around, but I’m discerning in who I hate the most.

Seriously, even Ellie Goulding can’t top a 9.9. Yet. And not for lack of effort.

Avicii’s crime has been committed before, but perhaps not so flagrantly. He put a country song on pop radio.

That doesn’t sound bad enough. In lieu of caps, let me reiterate: He put a country song on pop radio. This is not a forgivable offense.

Normally the artist isn’t necessarily to blame; some are considered “crossover” artists, which is code for saying their music has enough pop elements to create genuine confusion among the weak-minded, but it really has no business on a pop station. A couple of Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus songs for instance were too country to fit, though more recently they’ve put out singles that are genuinely pop. Taylor Swift in particular gets a pass. Lady Antebellum is a recent offender, but they’re almost tolerable on a pop station because they’re genuinely good. Almost. Shania Twain used to be all over this, putting out pop-ish songs that were still way too country, but sort of acceptable.

(Each of Shania’s pop-if-you-squint-really-hard songs also had a country version. Certain semi-pop radio stations, by which I mean lamos, were notorious for always playing the country version. Stations like this can be relied on to always play the “wrong” version of a song that has more than one format, but that’s another rant.)

Avicii, however, takes this to a whole other level. His song is country to the point of being nearly country-folk, with heavy mountain-man vocals and freaking banjos. There are parts that sound more like a dance track, because he’s a Swedish DJ and that’s what they do. Could he have stuck to the electronica and left well enough alone? Apparently not. Hence, the instant catapult to 10 NM.

I’m not sure if country fans will hate his song as much as I do. (Well, let me qualify that: I don’t think anyone can hate this song as much as I do. But I don’t know if they’d hate it as much as a lay person in my position would.) Their tastes are, as a rule, alien to me. But having heard enough of what’s considered good country music, I can say this isn’t up on the same level, and the electronic sections will probably put them off. So this song should, by all rights, be universally hated by everyone with the capacity to hear it no matter what their taste is. There’s no accounting whatsoever for how this dren got on the air at all.

There’s fail, and then there’s epic fail. And then there’s Avicii.

I still hate Nicki Minaj more.

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About Lummox JR

Aspiring to be a beloved supervillain
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