I want the old Cadbury eggs back

Cadbury creme eggs used to be awesome. Remember that? For years now, though, they have not. The eggs were reduced in size sometime after 2005 in the American market, and in 2010 finally in Canada too. At the same time, their price has shot up astronomically. You used to be able to find the eggs for 33 cents each, 25 if you hit a sale, and now most stores sell them for 89 cents at the smaller size. It’s ridiculous, and somebody must pay.

Two things have always really bothered me about the size reduction, quite aside from the fact itself or that the eggs are nowhere near as moist and delicious as they used to be. First: they lied about it. The company’s site claimed, at least until they were caught outright, that the eggs weren’t any smaller. Dudes, man up. Hostess was forthright when their new post-bankruptcy entity went with the smaller sizes that had been tried just before they went under. Nobody likes that change, but we respect them for not trying to pretend it away.

The other thing that bothers me is a real puzzler: What kind of moron says “Let’s make our product smaller just in the US“? This is ‘Mer’ca! We like everything big. We’re the country that isn’t squeamish about putting caffeine in any kind of soda we frelling well choose, because we’re not freaking pansies. This is the land of the Big Mac, the land of steak and the barbecue. Giving us the kids’-table version of something Europeans can still get full-size, even something Canadians can get full-size, is like giving us the finger. Only it’s much, much worse.

The fact that at least Canada is now stuck with the smaller size is no consolation; it only means they were screwed over second. An across-the-board size reduction I could grudgingly understand, even though it has led to an inferior product. It’s not cool that the product isn’t as good, ounce for ounce, as it used to be just as a result of being smaller. It’s not cool that the price went sky-high in the last few years while still dealing with that reduced quality. But it’s especially not cool that somebody had the gall to say “Eh, let’s just make them smaller in America; they’ll never notice.” And then they lied about it.

So when I become a supervillain, the Ministry of Resurrected Products is going to have a heavy hand in setting things right. For the rest of the job, I’ll sic my Ministry of Compliance on them.

About Lummox JR

Aspiring to be a beloved supervillain
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