Superbowl wishes (for chaos)

This is my first post of the new year, mainly for one big reason: I got sick not long afterward, catching a nasty cold from someone at a big game night—which was postponed from New Year’s Eve in the first place because my mother was sick then. The last time we had a big party at my parents’, the weekend before Halloween, I got sick then too. I think one of the regulars is a carrier.

Having been sick for a while, I didn’t have much going on. Not a lot of cooking, except that I made chicken soup the first night, with egg noodles, and managed to use way too many noodles. Apparently you can screw up soup.

But now it’s time to talk about football. Superbowl IL is coming up (I refuse to spell it as two words or use the “official” Roman numerals), and it’s going to suck. Hard. On Sunday the championship games for both conferences ended in what I consider the worst-case scenario. I’m a Bills fan, but the Packers are my next favorite team, and I was rooting hard for them. Then they had to go and blow a field goal defense play, allowing the Seahawks to execute a fake that ultimately revitalized their entire game. Because they eliminated the Packers, the Seahawks must suffer.

But on the other side, we have the Patriots eliminating the Colts. I have no feelings either way about the Colts now that they’re not a division rival to the Bills, but I have many, many solid reasons to loathe the Patriots.

If I had to decide which team I hate marginally less, I’d say probably the Seahawks. I can’t bring myself to root for them, so much as to root against the Patriots just a smidge harder. Come game day, my only recourse is to root for mayhem and humiliation. I want to see a game that embarrasses both teams deeply, one that the winner can’t even feel good about. Massive amounts of turnovers, blown plays at every turn, stupid execution penalties—you name it, I want to see it. Sacks are nice, except they’re something for the defense to feel proud of; I’d rather see both quarterbacks simply trip over themselves constantly, although I wouldn’t mind seeing Tom Brady get hit a lot. Not injured, just hit.

So mostly I’m in it for the food and the commercials this year. If any company delivers a lousy commercial this year, and statistically that’ll probably be half of them, they are making my List and they’ll be made to answer for their crimes when I come into power. (All aspiring supervillains who want any kind of respect, least of all from themselves, should have this exact same goal.) I’m sick of everyone dropping the ball; if anyone drops the ball, it should be on the field. A lot.

About Lummox JR

Aspiring to be a beloved supervillain
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