In search of: straight macaroni

This is a serious question, and if anyone can answer it I’d be thrilled.

Where in the frell can you buy straight macaroni, like the kind used in Kraft Macaroni & Cheese?

I was watching a video tonight from Todd’s Kitchen where he made crock pot macaroni & cheese. Although I was screaming in my head at the stuff he added for the sauce (onion: no; mustard: no; cream of frickin’ chicken soup: holy crap no; sour cream: no; mayo: frell no), I noticed the macaroni he used was straight. Todd is from Australia, where they have some different things available. By the way, apart from my recoil from his ingredient list in this particular video, I’m actually a fan.

In the US, and even on Amazon, I can’t find straight macaroni for anything. I can find elbows. Lots and lots of elbows. I like elbow macaroni just fine, but I think there’s a lot to be said in favor of the tiny straight tubes that Kraft uses, and darn it I’d like to know where I can get those for my own purposes—without, obviously, wasting a perfectly good box of Kraft Mac & Cheese.

Todd’s macaroni was, I noticed, more like elbow macaroni in size when it cooked up; I’d actually love to find something even smaller. But even a straight version of the basic elbow wouldn’t be bad; you can’t find anything straight at that size. Bigger sizes, sure, but anyone can find ziti or penne on a shelf. And keep in mind, I shop at frickin’ Wegmans. What I can’t find at Wegmans, I can sometimes find at Tops, Walmart, or—in some special cases—Target. But if you live in the United States of America, the land where selection is supposed to be infinite, you can’t buy straight macaroni on its own, even on Amazon. It’s like there’s some kind of law blocking it. This makes absolutely zero sense.

I suppose there’s one possible other option. There’s a place near me that specializes in Italian imports, and they may have a greater variety of pasta than you can find anywhere else. Even though it’s close, to me it’s not worth the special trip to search, because I’m lazy. But I find it mind-boggling that I can’t find such a thing on Amazon.

I mean seriously, search for straight macaroni on Amazon and you’ll just get packaged stuff.

Ugh. I don’t get it. But when I become a supervillain, I’m going to appoint a Minister of Infinite Selection to get to the bottom of it, and heads will roll.

About Lummox JR

Aspiring to be a beloved supervillain
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5 Responses to In search of: straight macaroni

  1. Lesley Curtis says:

    The UK. I have tonight asked the question of “when did macaroni become straight?” When I was a kid it was always elbow macaroni, not any more :( I miss curly macaroni – swap ya?
    BTW half a teaspoon of mustard and a dollop of Worcestershire sauce in the roux mix makes it taste amazing :D

  2. Nyth says:

    Did you ever find it?? I, too, have been searching for old school Kraft straight macaroni and can’t find it anywhere.

    • Lummox JR says:

      No. Apparently it just isn’t a thing in the US. If you look for macaroni you just find elbows. Amazon’s search feature is kind of terrible so if it’s anywhere on Amazon, I haven’t found it there either.

  3. ErinB says:

    I swear kraft and other macaroni retailers pay pasta companies to not sell straight macaroni in the US. I can find it in every other country but nothing that ships to the us unless I pay $50 for import shipping from Italy. At the price I can just buy great value mac and cheese and throw out the cheese.

    • Lummox JR says:

      I’ve often wondered about that myself. With the pasta options we have available, the lack of one of them would seem to be artificial. Either that, or there’s some kind of cultural expectation where pasta companies only think it won’t sell.

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